Worldprocrastination

I've neglected this place lately, this I know.
I'm in a strange state of mind these days. Lethargy's kinda setting in. Or at least maybe just a state of familiar contentment.
I'm at a point of my life where I'm setting into routines again. Not yet a rut, but not something I want to stick with.

I definitely feel less intelligent and less creative than I have done before. My intelligence has continuously declined for the last nine years. Shit, almost ten years since I finished school. Oh well.
I don't think it's the fact that I'm no longer in education that's the problem; I feel I know more now than I did then, only now it's a much broader range of information. I know a little bit about lots of things, with no specialist subject anymore. My head is full of information; memories, faces, people, names, facts so much that it's hard to seem knowledgeable about anything in particular. More just a slight dabbling of fingers in various pots.

I suppose it's for that reason i can't hold conversations for shit these days. I genuinely find myself running out of things to say, where once I could just ramble on about bullshit for days on end.
Maybe I'm just a bit more reserved these days.
The only topic I know about is me, and I don't like to talk about me.
Though ironically I'm managing to waffle on all this shit here.

As to lack of creativity.. hmm.. I have ideas and aspirations, just no energy. I'm constantly tired and unmotivated physically and mentally. I'm sure it's down to my diet or something like that, but it's my own fault for being slack in taking care of myself.
I tend to go through stages of crativity.
Fits and bursts of one thing at one time.
At the moment I'm reading a lot.
Not strictly creative I know, but I tie it all in together.
I've read almost 5 novels in the last month. Big long ass page counts.
Getting a lot out of each one. Mental stimulation and enjoyment and such.
I'm sure as soon as I've read myself to irritation I'll move on and splash out into drawing or painting, or perhaps even writing. I haven't done that for a bit.

My health's up and down; I'm not anywhere near fit anymore. Again it's my fault. Drinking hasn't helped, and for every detox month I have, I'll have 2 binge months.

I'm making some decent friendships, relationships and contacts though.
Yet I'm losing and breaking some.

Such is life I suppose; I've often thought of the concept of a soulmate as time defined. How if people connect, even if just for a day, a night, a minute, a second, then for that moment in time their souls were entwined and a unique bond was created, no matter for how long. The connection and the memories that stay are the important part. And memories are something I have lots of. Even if I don't have the people around anymore, or make any attempt to contact them.
Maybe that's just how I justify the fact that I'm a crap friend/boyfriend/partner, crap at staying in touch and just generally treat people like shit.
I'll never know.
I can only be me and can't change for anyone but me.

Fuck, I've been sat here for an hour now.
I really didn't mean to dwell on any of this shit, it all just kinda flowed.
Maybe that's good, it has been in the past.

If anyone is actually reading this, feel free to reply and just generally abuse me.
I'll take it the right way, I swear.