Right
I'm just gonna type words again here.
Fell free to ignore them, cos they probably won't make sense to anyone.
They won't even make sense to me, but I feel the need to just type and type and type.
This may well be my last entry for a while.
This may well be my last entry ever.
Vague enough?
Typical kind of shit I come out with all the time I know, but there ya go.
I'm at a point where I'm alone.
No matter how many people are around me I'm alone.
I can go from one day of extreme closeness.
To this.
The absolute polar opposite.
I feel so alone, and so helpless.
I can't communicate any of this though.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Because once again I'm in a rut.
I've climbed out of one rut and fallen straight into another one.
One that's deeper and wider than before.
I can't get out of this one alone though.
I can't reach.
And no-one is around to help me out of it.
I've isolated myself without trying.
I've pushed those people that I need away, just through my lack of being able to be me.
This is me, take it or leave it.
I want to change.
I want to talk.
I hate the longing silence.
But I can't talk.
I can't even hear the voices in my head anymore telling me what I should be saying.
Just because I'm not talking it doesn't mean I'm not happy.
It doesn't mean I'm bored.
It doesn't have to be awkward.
Sometimes silence is needed.
Or at least I fucking hope so.
Cos it's all I can produce for now.
Nothings changed, yet everything has.
I have.
Without wanting to.
Without knowing.
Without being able to struggle and fight it.
I'm slipping away.
Like a mental patient's decent into madness.
Like water flowing down a plughole.
Like an ice cube in summer.
Like grains of sand in someone's clasped fingers.
It's not a case of if, but when.
I don't know when it started, and I don't know when it'll finish.
Run.
Save yourself before this consumes you too.
Currently Playing: Black - Wonderful Life Fucking scarilly ironic.
Fell free to ignore them, cos they probably won't make sense to anyone.
They won't even make sense to me, but I feel the need to just type and type and type.
This may well be my last entry for a while.
This may well be my last entry ever.
Vague enough?
Typical kind of shit I come out with all the time I know, but there ya go.
I'm at a point where I'm alone.
No matter how many people are around me I'm alone.
I can go from one day of extreme closeness.
To this.
The absolute polar opposite.
I feel so alone, and so helpless.
I can't communicate any of this though.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Because once again I'm in a rut.
I've climbed out of one rut and fallen straight into another one.
One that's deeper and wider than before.
I can't get out of this one alone though.
I can't reach.
And no-one is around to help me out of it.
I've isolated myself without trying.
I've pushed those people that I need away, just through my lack of being able to be me.
This is me, take it or leave it.
I want to change.
I want to talk.
I hate the longing silence.
But I can't talk.
I can't even hear the voices in my head anymore telling me what I should be saying.
Just because I'm not talking it doesn't mean I'm not happy.
It doesn't mean I'm bored.
It doesn't have to be awkward.
Sometimes silence is needed.
Or at least I fucking hope so.
Cos it's all I can produce for now.
Nothings changed, yet everything has.
I have.
Without wanting to.
Without knowing.
Without being able to struggle and fight it.
I'm slipping away.
Like a mental patient's decent into madness.
Like water flowing down a plughole.
Like an ice cube in summer.
Like grains of sand in someone's clasped fingers.
It's not a case of if, but when.
I don't know when it started, and I don't know when it'll finish.
Run.
Save yourself before this consumes you too.
Currently Playing: Black - Wonderful Life Fucking scarilly ironic.
posted by Phil Thomas at 7/03/2004 09:50:00 pm
0 comments
